Teacher Applicant Joke: Not really a Joke

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching  prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right."

  • You want me to go into that room with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning.
  • And I\'m supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify 
    their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even 
    censor their t-shirt messages and dress habits.
  • You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem.
  • You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship,  fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job.
  • I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, 
    recognize signs of anti-social behavior, offer advice, write letters of  recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others, and oh, make sure that I give the girls in my class fifty percent of my attention.
  • My contract requires me to work on my own time after school, evenings and weekends grading papers.
  • Also, I must spend my summer vacation, at my own expense, working toward advance certification and a Masters degree.
  • And on my own time you want me to attend committee and faculty meetings, PTA meetings, and participate in staff development training.
  • I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than life, such that my very presence will awe  my students into being obedient and respectful of authority.
  • You want me to incorporate technology into the learning experience, monitor web sites, and relate personally with each student. That includes deciding who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit a crime in school.
  • I am to make sure all students pass the mandatory state exams, even those who don\'t come to school regularly or complete any of their assignments.
  • Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an 
    equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical 
  • And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter and report card.
  • All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few 
    books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!

    You want me to do all of this and yet you expect me... NOT TO PRAY!!